This falls under the category of “Weird Ass Shit That Happens To Randy”*.
Alternate titles could be: “Channeling David Letterman” or “Call Me a Rock Star in a Hotel”.
I arrive in Orlando, late afternoon Friday, for the Conference I’m attending, We’re at the JW Marriott, which is the “high end” of the Marriott franchise. As always, when I first enter a hotel room, I turn on the TV, find a channel, and start to unpack. My first thought is, “This JW hasn’t been updated. The one in DC had flat panel HDTV. This is the old tube model, in the armoire/credenza/cabinet, on the ‘pull out’ shelf.
Clothing all unpacked, I unpack the laptop, I have checked out from the IT dept.
As I can’t see the TV well from the desk table, I go to pull out the TV and rotate it toward me. As I start to pull out, the shelf and TV come tumbling out the front and fall to the floor. “Shit, shit, damn fuck me with a crowbar! I can’t believe this just happened to me!” The cable has ripped from the back of the TV. TV is still connected to the electricity, still on, green screen of snow. My AMX limit won’t handle this. I’m going to get kicked out before the conference starts! I call the front desk. “Hello, this is Mr. E, in room 24xxx. My TV and shelf just fell out of the cabinet. I need some help.”
~Five minutes later—‘knock, knock. This is engineering.” I open the door, to greet a small Latina woman. “Oh, MY GOD!”, as she enters the room, seeing the TV on its side, green snow glowing. She begins to turn off and disconnect. A minute or so later—“Knock, knock, engineering.” I open to the door to two gentlemen, of foreign origins. “Oh, MY GOD!”. I begin to see a theme developing. “Sir, are you OK? We’re you hurt?” “No, I’m fine. It didn’t land on me.” The other man is immediately calling the front desk. “We have to move him to another room.”
“Tell them that he’s not hurt. That’s important.”
Sir, is golf course view OK?”
“I’m not so concerned about the view, I prefer a higher level floor.”
“He wants to be on one of the higher floors. Sir, we’re going to move you down the hall to 24xxx. A bellman will bring up new key cards. IF you like, we would like to offer to buy you dinner or breakfast at the best restaurant in the hotel.”
“I’ve not had dinner yet. Dinner would be very nice, thank you.”
Go down, tell them your name, and that Engineering sent you. You’ll be taken care of.”
I go down to the host station. “Hi, I’m WTF, Engineering told me to tell you that.”
“Oh, yes sir. We’ll take good care of you!”
I’m seated by a handsome Turkish man, who tells me Manita will be my server. Manita arrives, tells me that her husband was one of the men who helped me with the TV and she apologizes profusely. She asks me if I’d like a glass of wine while I look at the menu. “Do you like reds?”’
“Will you allow me to select a nice red for you? You like Cabernet Sauvignon?”
I was treated like royalty! Manita comes to take my plate, ask if I’d like dessert, and apologizes that it was so busy, and that she wasn’t able to come and talk to me more. Before my meal is over, her husband, from Engineering, comes, shakes my hand, apologizes again, and asks me if his wife has taken good care of me. “I told her you were my special guest and to treat you extra nice. We are from former Yugoslavia.” I’m not quite sure why he wanted me to know that.
By the time dinner was over, and a glass of wine was gone, I was able to laugh about the occurrence. But, when that TV first fell, I nearly pissed myself.